Well, if you are keeping up with Tom’s journal, you know that he’s away.

When he’s gone, it seems I become this superwoman — able to get things done. My life becomes more organized and driven. Tonight, within two hours, I cleaned the whole back porch and all of the toys hiding in our grassy lawn. We cleaned the pool, moved it and filled it up again. A number of laundry loads were completed, washing machine to dresser drawers.

I do these things, and as I do, I feel like I am somehow stepping outside of myself to get them done. It is almost a sense of duty to help focus on something else besides missing Tom. The work becomes an addiction — a distraction to drown missing him.

A few weeks before he left, we had a long discussion about emotional dependence. Still mulling over this one. Do I depend on Tom for happiness, or am I relying on God for my sense of well-being?

I think it just comes down to really missing Tom. When he walks into a room, everyone gets up to say hello. They all want to hear what he is up to, his latest pursuit — whether it be beer, a game he conquered, a new thing he learned, an opinion on current events. He is so passionate about things.

There is never a moment when he’s here that we’re not thinking about something together. His wealth of knowledge is amazing, and if he doesn’t know or understand something, dammit, he finds out. He really inspires me to think about things, and he sharpens the way that I think about them.

I do pray that he’ll have safe travels, and that he’ll make it back to us in one piece. I am happy that he’s getting this chance to see the world, and thankful that his heart’s still back at home with me and the kids.

I miss him!

Church in the AM. I have nursery. Not my favorite thing in the whole world to watch other people’s kids, but then, I’m sure it’s not other people’s favorite thing to watch _my_ kids, either.