Part II: So how does one move from maintenance to nurturing?

First, we must realize that children are not ours, but the Lord’s.

Yes, we carried our children for an average of nine months. Yes, we are responsible for their care. We are very, very involved in the raising of our children.

Yet, while we carried our children, we did not have to spend days meditating to channel energy to physically create the inner workings of their ears. God is the one that formed our children in our wombs. It is not us who determines their uniqueness or even if their heart will continue beating a moment from now. They are completely in the hands of the Creator.

We must look at a child as a gift from God – planned by God and made in His image, an amazing tangible miracle with an immortal soul. We must think it an honor to be a steward of this priceless gift.

In our hearts, we must believe this and embrace this – not just say “Children are a gift from God” as though it is a pat answer to common Sunday school questions (“Jesus, God, Bible”).

How easy it is, when we are tired or would rather be conversing with adults or have the responsibility to re-clean “kid-cleaned” messes all over the home, to whine and complain about having children in the first place – and then selfishly pop in a kids movie so that we don’t have to be forced to actually parent our children.

Who are we to tell God “I am not thankful for your gift?”

Certainly, there are rough times when we do things to cope – but as I said earlier, escape and relief activities should be done as a last resort, not as a standard mode of operation.

Perhaps if we would confess our ungratefulness and grumbling, and ask God for a heart of adoration and thankfulness to Him who created our children and has a reason and plan for their existence, we would be less likely to be lazy or to escape child rearing. We might actually sit on the floor and play with our children or count to twenty with them fifty times in a row until they get it right, and be PROUD that this is how we spent our afternoon!

One thing that has been especially helpful to me, when I start to feel overwhelmed by responsibility, is to thank God for it in the first place. Did my little girl try to dump the contents of the potty chair into the big potty “all by herself” and instead, accidentally spill it on the floor? Praise God her bowels are working and we’re not emptying a catheter bag several times a day!

Sometimes, we have to force ourselves to do this, as it says in Colossians 3. Putting on an attitude of praise in the midst of difficult circumstances sets things in perspective, and if our hearts are not in the right place, will send us in humility to our knees – a place where we should have been all along.

An Elder in our church, Ray Doreian, is notorious for answering the question, “How are you today?” with “Better than I deserve.” We do not deserve perfection or ease in raising children. Go back and read Genesis 3 — we live in a fallen world! In fact, God promises hardship.

Yet, He doesn’t leave us without hope! Because Christ’s blood paid for our sins, we can confess our laziness and ungratefulness and be reconciled to God. Psalm 103:12 tells us that our transgressions are removed, “As far as the east is from the west.” We can bask in His forgiveness and let it be an encouragement and source of strength.

Before we can do anything else, we must put off our sin and cry out for God’s help, “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me” ( Psalm 51:10-12 ). It is only in God’s strength and with the joy stemming out of our Salvation that we can successfully discipline our actions to reflect the words hidden in our hearts:

“Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.” Psalm 127:3-5 .

Part III: Biblical nurturing defined (more later — it is 3am … again.)