I hate Verizon with a passion. It amazes me that a company would deliver technology like DSL right to my door, and then put a lock on it so I can’t use it for what I want unless I pay them more money.

Verizon blocks port 80 inbound. I’m sure they have some BS security reason for doing so, but the result that I see is that I can’t run a webserver on my DSL line. Then, they make me spend more money, just so they’ll take the lock off my incoming ports. Speakeasy let me let me have my ports. They specifically said something on their website like, “It’s your connection… do what you want with it.” I miss them so much!

I just wrote the following email to Speakeasy, communicating my love for them, and a desire to once again be reunited to their wonderful service.

To whomever is listening,

I currently live in the heart of the city of Coatesville, Pennsylvania. In my previous two apartments right down the street in West Chester, I was able to avail myself of your amazing services, and couldn’t have been happier. When I moved from my first apartment to my second, you made the move so easy, and had my DSL waiting for me when I arrived.

So, when we found out we were moving into our new home in Coatesville, we again contacted you folks, and told you we were moving. No can do, said the helpful gentleman on the phone… we don’t service that address.

“What?!”, said I, dumbfounded at this notion!

“Well, sir, we’re currently unable to access the CO at that address, so we can’t provide you service. We’re looking to get in there soon.”

“I see.”, I lied, a tear trickling down my cheek. “I suppose then that I will need to find another DSL provider until I can one day happily return to your arms.”

We shared a good cry together at our unfortunate but necessary parting, but your representative gave one last present in memory of the good times we had, and as hope for the happiness that will one day return.

He said, “We can let you keep your email address until we can hook you back up again at no charge.”

Joy! Rapture! That offer reinforced the love that I have for Speakeasy, and ensured that no matter how long it will take, I will someday return to your everloving, high-speed arms.

The days pass slowly, and the clouds grow darker. We’ve been in the house for a year dealing with the angry corporate behemoth that is Verizon. Dealing with dynamic IPs and blocked incoming ports has become too much for me to bear, and I find myself hitting your website, and putting in my home address hoping that maybe… just maybe… you can once again give me the true broadband service I so miss.

But alas… it is not to be. And now, I realize that perhaps such things will not happen if we men sit and allow life to pass us by. Perhaps, such changes can only be made if we customers speak up for ourselves and fight against this tyranny and oppression.

So, I beseech you all to answer my one question… what must I do to speed up the process of servicing my home? Is there anyone I can call, be it corporate head or government legislator, who can smite the found demon Verizon and allow our relationship to once again flourish?

Please let me know… if I need to climb the highest mountain, swim the widest ocean, cross the hottest desert, I will do it willingly, and with joy in my heart.